Meddling Kids!

Eugene Volokh writes (but see UPDATE below):

The second half of my prediction was that the Court will reverse, and I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that darned Justice Scalia and his dog.

Although I am aware that he is merely making an ironic cultural reference to Scooby-Doo here, please note that some confused people will probably misunderstand this to be a denigrating reference to Justice Thomas. And that makes it an irony "two-fer":

1. any reference to Scooby-Doo is ipso facto irony;
   
2. Thomas as Scooby-Doo draws ironic attention to the claim that Scalia is leading Thomas around by the nose, a claim which Volokh has refuted in the past
   

I still fear that confused people will misunderstand Eugene's point, but to be honest my imagination is now captured by a different question: if Thomas is Scooby-Doo, then obviously Scalia is Shaggy. So which of Ginsburg and O'Connor is Velma and which is Daphne? And does that make Rhenquist Fred? What about the other four?

UPDATE: The "and his dog" is now off the Volokh Conspiracy. Probably wise, since it wasn't what E.V. intended, but a bummer for me, because this was one of my better jokes.

I had a dream

I had a dream last night. I went to the grocery store and bought some good beer.

Then I woke up.

In California, they sell alcohol of all types in regular grocery stores, liquor stores, and convenience stores. In college we would go to the VONS for well alcohol, because it was cheaper there, and then go to Liquorama for high-quality stuff, because the selection was better. Then of course there were the corner liquor stores (converted from corner groceries) in easy walking distance from our place in Oakland. The same in Santa Monica.

In Alberta you still have to go to a liquor store to buy alcohol-containing drinks. Before 1993, there was a state-owned liquor monopoly. In 1993 the liquor industry was privatized, and the province says encouraging things like:

• The government privatized liquor retailing in September 1993.
• The private sector retails, warehouses and distributes liquor in
Alberta.

10. Will the number of retail liquor stores be limited?
A retail liquor store licence will be granted to anyone who meets the criteria and conditions set forth by the AGLC, including those requiring that municipal approval be granted. The marketplace will ultimately determine how many retail liquor stores may operate successfully.

Good, eh? The province has a "shall-issue" policy on liquor licenses. But what's this?

20. Can a retail liquor store sell non-liquor products?
The retail liquor store, at its discretion, may sell limited non-liquor products. These include: soft drinks, juices and waters (mixes); de-alcoholized beers, wines and coolers; draught beer and wine containers; disposable drink containers; glassware (beer mugs, wine glasses, shot glasses); ice buckets; cocktail shakers; pour spouts; stir sticks; bottle openers and corkscrews; and liquor related books, magazines, videos.

Such products are restricted to those listed, to ensure a retail liquor store does not take on the appearance of a convenience store.

Emphasis added, obviously. Let's try that again: "the appearance of a convenience store." Because God forbid that anything about your life be convenient.

There's more, of course. Living in the San Francisco Bay Area during the dot-com boom of 1998-2000, I didn't wind up with any hot stocks, but I did develop a taste for a few choice Northern California microbrews: Sierra Nevada Stout, Anderson Valley IPA. When we moved down to LA, I was still able to find the stout those in my corner liquor store, but to find the IPA I had to go to The Wine House. Actually, I found out about The Wine House from a Canadian guy I bumped into at a bar; he said that you could get Maudite there.

They don't carry my favorite California microbrews here, and they probably never will. There's a list (Liquor Wholesale Price List, can't find it online) which tells you the wholesale price of every kind of liquor that is sold in Alberta. You can import and sell things which aren't on the list, at some considerable extra hassle: you have to go through an approved Liquor Agent. If it's wine or hard liquor you want to bring in, it has to go through a warehouse in St. Albert. (So, hypothetically, if you were importing wine from a vineyard in Northern Montana into Lethbridge or Calgary, your transportation costs are triple nominal because the wine has to go north past you to St. Albert, turn around, and back south again to you.) Why would anyone bother importing something not on the list?

As much as the situation sucks in Alberta, it's still worse in those provinces which still have a liquor monopoly. But there are people actively arging for a return to the halcyon days when liquor store employees were $14-per-hour pensioned civil servants. Exhibit A: A Sobering Result, a ten-year review of privatization. Among its gems are:

The consumption of alcoholic beverages is positively correlated with income (Figure 2.4).

Shocking! In other news, disposable income is positively correlated with income.

The potential misuse of alcohol and its associated problems lends support to those who call for public regulation and control in the marketing of alcoholic beverages.

Maybe Colby is right about the anti-smoking zealots: when they're done with the smokers, they'll come after us beer-drinkers.

In the meantime, I'm going to sit back, relax, and bottle some homebrew. If I can't buy it here, I'll damn well make it.